Dear fardhan,

it's hard to sleep at night when my mind keeps going back to him. when everything gets quiet, it's just me and the thoughts I've been trying to ignore all day. the way he made me feel, the little things he did without even realizing how much they meant to me, the moments that stayed longer than they should have. And then come the words I never said-the "I miss you," the "I care about you," the "you mean so much to me." I kept everything to myself, thinking maybe he would notice, maybe he would understand even if I stayed silent. I keep replaying everything, wondering if he ever felt the same, if there was a moment he almost said something too but chose not to, just like I did. I think about all the chances I had, all the times I could've been honest but didn't because I was scared scared to ruin what we had, scared of what his answer might be. So now, every night, he lives in my thoughts. I find myself talking to him in my head, saying all the things I wish I had the courage to say out loud. I imagine different conversations, different endings, different chances. But nothing really changes. it's still me, lying awake, holding on to feelings he probably never even knew existed. And somehow, the hardest part isn't just missing him... it's knowing he may never know how much I truly felt..
kangen bgtngtbgt gaboong