Dear nobody,

When I got that message, I knew you weren't coming back. You said you would, but oh, I knew what it meant. I had hurt you so badly and so deeply, that the only thing you could do was run. So you did. You ran.

I can't even say that I blamed you. Sometimes I wish I could, but I am the one to blame. You said that the universe had brought us together, and that you wouldn't ignore that. And I believed you.
But I hurt you. Time after time, until you couldn't take it anymore.

I was afraid. I'd lost so much in such a short time, and I didn't see a way out anymore. My job was gone, my best friend had left me, and I almost lost my house. And so I tried to leave. Again. And again. And again.

How long has it been? Days passed by, and they turned into weeks, and then into months. I lost count somewhere along the road. I tried not to think about you, but my therapist brought you up a few times. Every time she did, I felt that knot in my stomach. I don't know how you're doing, and I wish I could check up on you. Are you okay? Safe? Alive? I have no clue. And that breaks me.

Eventually, my therapist stopped talking about you. She realized you weren't coming back. And I tried to forget, I tried so hard. Because if I didn't, I'd drown in guilt and shame. I hurt you. I did that. It doesn't matter that I got better.
I got a new job, and I found a new friend. I told this friend about you, on the first weekend we met in real life. I fell in love. Bad love. And I started writing again.
But you weren't there. I couldn't share any of this with you.

I'm not saying that I am better, as in healed. I still have a long road ahead of me, and the road is bumpy. But I am trying. And I wish I could just tell you how sorry I am.

So, here I am. I know you probably won't read this letter. And I don't know what I'd want to tell you if you do. Sorry doesn't cover it. Not nearly.

I'm going to leave this here now. If you find it, don't reach out before you're ready. And if you'll never be ready, that's alright. You have nothing to be sorry for. You saved yourself. I know that. And I'm glad.

Take care.