Dear Charlie,

It's been four years, but I still think of you. I wish I could change my actions and who I was back then, but I cannot. I often think about reaching out and apologizing for everything, but I'm afraid of what that would mean, so here it is. Here is everything that I can only hope finds you one day.

I was so naive and undeserving of you. I didn't see it then, but you loved me so much, and I took so much of you for granted. I wish I could have understood the gravity of what you were going through, but I had no idea. I regret everything from that Christmas, and I wish I would have realized how hurt you were, how bad things were with your family, everything. I was so caught up in myself, and in my own issues that I didn't know how awful I was treating you.

I did so many immature and stupid things when I was with you. I took your proposal(s) for granted. I made you wait for me in the car that day I was too afraid to bring you into work. I was so fucking stupid. I didn't know how unreasonable I was being, and I especially didn't know how self centered I was.

I often think about the day we met (on purpose) the last time under the arch. I was so mean to you. I should have stayed to hear you out, but I threw everything that we had back at you. Like it was nothing.

From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry. I hope this finds you, and if it does, my number is the same.

I hope you live the best life, I hope all of your dreams come true, and most importantly I hope you are finally getting loved the way you deserve, now the way I loved you.