Dear Dad,

Dad, firstly I want to say that I love you. And I know we never said that to eachother or showed it in the typical daughter-dad bond, but I love you from the bottom of my heart and I wish I could be your little girl again. I sometimes wish that I could be a kid again, because I still remember all the beautiful moments we had together. You taking me on bike tours, us cooking together, us taking photos and videos for memories. I wish I could experience that with you again. And I would do everything to have that opportunity again. We don't talk much anymore. You don't even know my favourite color or what grade I'm even in. But that's okay, I don't expect that from you. But seeing other dads treating their daughters like they're the most precious things in the world? It stings really bad. I'm not saying that you've been a bad father, but you have been a very distant one. I don't even know if you like me anymore. When you come visit us, you don't even talk to me or even look at me. You treat me like I'm not even there, not even asking me the simpliest questions. Everytime I try to make a conversation with you, you're always so dry. And I didn't even do anything to you. I tried to be the ideal daughter for you - doing everything that you asked me to do and more. I really tried. But was it enough? It was never enough for you. Not in the slightest. I know that my brother is your favourite. But damn it, I was there first. And of course I'm not your first daughter because you have a different family in a different country too. But you lived here with us - mom, my brother and me. But it feels like you'd still live with that family when your life is actually here with us. Your other kids are all adults aleady, pushing their 40s. But me? I'm not even 18. I don't know when we got so distant to eachother, but I wish you would know that I miss you. Even if you are still physically here. Everytime I wish that we could have that healthy bond again that we used to have. But everytime I did try to regain that with you, it feels like I am the only one putting effort. And you give me that feeling that I am not even worth the effort at all. Asian dads don't really show love with words but rather with actions. I know that. But does it hurt to say ''I'm proud of you'' once? I just want to hear it once. It would mean so much for me. So, so, so much. I didn't even know that I crave to hear those words from you until now. Pathetic right? But I can't help it, I always wanted to make you proud of me. Guess that never worked.