Dear nobody,

is it weird if i say i'm envious of gay men?

i believe it may have something to do with the ability to love, and yearn, for each other with no bounds. when i say that, i mean that you are equals.

i'm a heterosexual woman, and i'm comfortable in my body. i don't 'wish' to be a man in that sense, but i will forever yearn the love that they have.

maybe i've just been reading too many romance books, or watching too many films, with gay-orientated storyline. maybe it's because i've never experienced love, and that it is all i want to feel. maybe i'm just too lost in my head, and nothing will ever compare to the lives i've lived there, and to the ones i have lived vicariously through.
but there is something different about the way a man will love another, compared to man loving a woman.

is it because we're always portrayed as small? as weak, fragile beings? i don't need a man to take care of me, though i wouldn't mind if he did?

i think at the end of the day, it comes down to wanting someone to love me for me. to love me and know no bounds. to love and be seen as an equal.

i feel with the stereotypes set upon women, and especially a woman to a man, that it makes me yearn for this. that i must always assume a submissive, feeble role, whilst the man will be dominant and powerful.

i should reiterate i'm not against this, in the sense of if that is what you wish for, i will respect it. and yes, i will admit i would prefer to not 'wear the pants' in a relationship, but everything would be different if i were a man.

i hope this doesn't sound weird, or judgemental, that's not what i mean.

all i wanted to say is that i wish to love, and to be loved, the way a man loves another man. and no matter what i do in this life, i will never be able to experience that.