Dear JS,

Honestly, I did truly love you for so long, you were my everything.
but you hurt me. somehow. And I didn't know it at the moment, but now I can't lay in a bunk bed, or pass an apartment complex, and not think of what happened between us.
and those memories hurt. even the good ones hurt.
I've gone to therapy more times than I can count, and you're the one person my therapist can remember the name of.
But the worst thing is, not only do i remember your actions, but i remember you.
It's bittersweet, yes.
I remember the way you smiled with your eyes, that you liked cool whip and sour candies. I remember when we played Minecraft and when you would spend hours making handmade crafts for me. I loved them and still have them stocked away in my closet. I remember how you would smoke cigarettes in the back of your dads truck. I remember all the dumb nicknames I called you. I remember the way you would find wilted roses on the street for me.
i . remember. You.
But I don't love you anymore. I can't.
And- i dont want to love you anymore.
I've forgiven all of what you've put me through.
And I've said goodbye to all of the strings attached to you.
But god. I do miss you.
I miss you in a way I've never missed anyone before in my life, J.
And yet I'm still glad I broke things off. Because I know we can't be together. We couldn't.
And I didn't want to be anymore. I wanted to move on from the pain that lied beneath all of your love.
I know you loved me. You did. You really, really loved me. That's one thing I will never deny.
But- it was the way you loved me.
And I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to me.
I'm practically losing my head over all of this. I'm so confused, and I'm in a daze.
Hopefully I'll meet someone someday that will make me forget you.
I feel like such an idiot. I have words but I have never used them right.
And I'm sorry. I know I can never repair this. But I'm okay with that, and I hope you are too.