Dear Nobody™,

I just need to get it out because I haven't told anyone. I need to write it at least because I don't want anyone who knows me to know.
The worst thing my ex ever said to me was: "I hope you don't cut yourself- but, if you do, you should do it on your thighs so that a thigh job feels really good."
God this still hurts. He often masked what he really wanted by saying things that he knew I wanted to hear (in this case, saying he hoped I didn't cut myself.) I've been struggling with self harm for years. I have scars all over my arms and legs, which makes people see me differently. Dispite the judgement from others and my own guilt, I struggled to stop.
When he said that, I had a lapse and hurt myself. I was angry, both at my ex(my boyfriend at the time) and at myself for letting him say that- and didn't know where to put all that emotion.
I've been clean for a a while though- going on two years (not counting the lapse) :) to the dear stranger reading this- I'm doing a lot better. Since he left my life I've been feeling more and more like a functional person. Thank you for reading- take care. Stay safe 💕