Dear homeless man,

there was a happy old homeless man today asking for smiles and icecreams. is that all it takes? people were happy to help him. it must be so difficult to be happy, it's the smallest of things going on in the brain, all these neurotransmitters we cannot see.

among other things i was cruel to a boy in the bikeshed when he tried to chat and i'd like to begin again. he was pretty cute too but that's irrelevant because i don't want to admit that. what else.... i have to confess i'm delusional becuase i'm stringing my own self along after a girl who i KNOW has a sexy romanian boyfriend WITH A MOPED but i like to imagine she likes me.... oh no.... yes. so i'm doing this self-indulgent thing where it's comfortable woe (boo) and borderline masochistic when i know it's unrequited.

hmmm can't tell if im a lesbian or bisexual so that might bring up some problems down the line. don't really want to want a man but wouldn't mind some friendly shiny one. on the internet they say 'girlfailure' and that's me but its a personal goal of mine to get in a fight so im almost there. haha you should see the other guy. i'd be great in a fight but mainly looking for an excuse for sympathy HOW DULL also don't want to break any teeth. i want to punch my ex best friend for all the horrible things she's caught her best friend in the middle of. sadly i'd win by a long shot. ideologically i don't even agree with myself there. well the point is be happy i think.

i will kiss girls this summer and i will wear a skimpy bikini and i will be very brainy and continue to read my self-indulgent angela carter books etc. etc. oh i love the book love by her!! I LOVE YOU