Dear Nobody™,

I don't even know if you're going to read all of this, but I need to say it because I genuinely feel like I'm falling apart inside. I've spent so many nights crying silently, staring at my phone, hoping to see your name appear, hoping that maybe this time you would talk to me, explain something to me, reassure me, anything... but instead I'm left alone with my thoughts, my fears, and this unbearable silence that keeps eating me alive more every day. I need you to understand that I can't keep living like this anymore. I can't keep pretending that being ignored by the person I love doesn't destroy me mentally. Maybe for you silence is easier, maybe disappearing for a while helps you think, maybe you don't realize how much it affects me but for me, it feels like torture. Every hour without hearing from you feels heavier than the last. Every unanswered message makes me question my worth, our relationship, and whether I ever truly mattered to you the way you mattered to me. I started to get issues with my own health which is not normal is it ? My tension is getting higher and I lost appetite, I can't even eat a piece of bread no more. Just water cause crying has been making dry everywhere.

And what hurts the most is not even the possibility of losing you. It's the fact that I'm losing you slowly, in silence, without understanding why. That kind of pain is unbearable because it leaves me trapped between hope and heartbreak at the same time. If you don't love me anymore, then please tell me honestly. Please. Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth instead of leaving me alone with my imagination destroying me every day. I'm begging for honesty, not perfection. Because right now, the silence hurts more than any breakup ever could.
You have no idea how much these past days have affected me emotionally and physically. My health hasn't even been okay lately. I've been exhausted all the time, mentally drained, emotionally unstable, unable to sleep properly, unable to eat normally some days because anxiety completely takes over me. My body feels tired, but my mind feels even worse. And the scariest part is that I've been carrying all of this while still trying to hold myself together in front of everyone. I think I finally realized that I've been carrying wounds inside me for years without ever truly healing them. I have such deep emotional dependency issues, and as painful as it is to admit, so much of it comes from my relationship with my father. Growing up the way I did changed the way I understand love, affection, abandonment, and reassurance. I learned to fear being left behind before I even learned what healthy love was supposed to feel like.
And because of that, I unintentionally projected so much onto you. Sometimes I expected you to love me in ways I never received growing up. Sometimes I needed reassurance so desperately because a part of me was always terrified that I wasn't enough to be chosen, enough to be loved consistently, enough for someone to stay. And other times, without even realizing it, I recreated toxic emotional patterns because pain and instability became familiar to me.
That doesn't excuse the moments where I hurt you, overwhelmed you, or made things difficult between us. And trust me, I hate myself for those moments more than you could ever know. I replay everything in my head constantly. Every argument. Every emotional reaction. Every moment where my fear spoke louder than my love. And if I could go back and fix it all, I would.
Because despite everything, loving you has been one of the realest feelings I've ever had.
That's why this hurts so much. Because no matter how hard I try to act strong sometimes, the truth is that I'm terrified of losing you completely. I'm terrified that one day I'll look back at all of this and realize that the person I loved most became a stranger because we stopped communicating, stopped understanding each other, and let silence replace love.
I need you to understand something clearly: I am trying to change. I'm trying to understand myself better, to heal the parts of me that react from trauma instead of peace, to stop letting my childhood wounds destroy the people I care about most. I don't want to keep living in fear and emotional chaos. I don't want to keep hurting you or hurting myself.
But healing is hard when the person you love suddenly feels far away. Healing is hard when every day feels uncertain. Healing is hard when all you want is one honest conversation and you feel like you're talking to emptiness instead.
I miss you more than my pride will ever allow me to admit out loud. I miss your attention, your presence, your voice, the comfort of knowing we were okay. And now I wake up every day with anxiety in my chest because I don't know if you still care about us the same way anymore.
I know I'm not perfect. I know I've made mistakes. But please don't reduce me to my worst moments.