Dear The World,

"I should be thankful."

This is something I've heard my whole life. People use it to justify their bad actions toward me, as if my suffering is acceptable because I'm "better off" than someone else. And I grew up thankful. I was thankful for bread and mustard sandwiches as a child. I was thankful for my mom's friends letting me use their running water so I could shower. I was thankful for the nice lunch lady in high school who made me lunch even though my balance was negative.

I'm thankful that every time somebody laid a hand on me, even when I couldn't fight back, my body was strong enough to survive.

Then I went to live with my dad. I was thankful he was an alcoholic rather than a drug user like my mother. I was thankful to have my own room instead of half the living room with a curtain cutting it off as a wall. I was thankful because instead of hitting me, my dad just yelled. I'm thankful I went to a "hood" school that gave free lunches because my old school didn't. I'm thankful my best friend died in fourth grade because it taught me empathy. I'm thankful because the only place I found comfort in as a child was the bathroom; it was usually the only room in the house with a lock.

"You've come a long way."
"You're so strong for what you went through."
"This will get better."

But do they? I'm a junior in college now. I'm **********, a twenty-year-old woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, pursuing a degree in elementary education. On the outside, I look like the success story. I take seventeen credits every semester while balancing my Resident Assistant position and a job as a daycare worker. The only reason I'm here is because I was capable and determined enough to earn every scholarship and grant available. I only live on campus because I earned the title of RA to get free housing and meals.

I'm doing everything "right," yet I'm still $17,000 in debt. And people say that's great.

I am burnt out. I am hurt by the world daily, and it feels like this is just the beginning of my story. I still struggle to pay my bills. I wasn't fortunate enough to go to the doctor or dentist as a child, and now that I'm an adult, I want to take care of myself, but at what cost? My wisdom teeth are going to be $1,200. When looking at my savings, all I see is a couple hundred dollars. I have to make the decision between paying for my teeth, my university bill, or food for next week.

It's spring break. The food pantry gave me five cans of vegetables, two packets of oatmeal, a granola bar, fruit snacks, a bag of popcorn, a bottle of water and a bag of pickle puffs.

I'm thankful.

But the worst part of knowing all I've gone through, and the struggle I face every single day, is being told I live in the "Land of the Free." I don't feel free when I have to choose between my health and my degree. We are promised the "Pursuit of Happiness," but my pursuit is stalled by debt and a dental bill I can't pay. We claim to be a nation that provides for the "General Welfare" and offers "Liberty and Justice for All," but justice feels a lot like a bag of donated canned corn when you're just trying to survive in America.

I'm told I'm the success story. But if this is the dream, why am I still just trying to survive?