Dear Dad,

I hate you. I don't know if I'll ever be able to say it to your face, but I do. My hatred for you goes so deep I didn't even know it was possible. I hate you so much. I hate your face. I hate your anger. I hate your voice. I hate all you alcohol. I hate how you treat me. I hate how you treat mom. I hate sharing the same last name as you. I hate your entire family. I hate you in every single atom possible. You are a horrible dad and never should've been able to have kids, let alone me for a daughter. You have ruined me to a point where it can't even be fixed. Not by time, and sure as hell not by meds. You think making me do things I don't want to do, like running 7 miles for "cardio" or you'll take me out of tennis make me like you more? No. In fact, it makes me hate you even more than I already do and already ever fucking wanted to. I was't born or raised to hate you, you made me hate you the older I got. The more people compare me to you the more I feel like I failed in life. My failure in life is how I've grown to act like you by defult because of living with you. I hate you for that. I hate you for everything you've ever done in my life. I don't care if people try and argue "he took you to Australia over the summer"; I don't care. You can buy me all the gifts I could want in the world and I could still hate you and you'd only call me ungreatful for them because of how I refuse to forgive you despite all these gifts. You never should've been able to be a father. I wish I was sent away to boarding school where I wouldn't' ever have to be around except for breaks and summer. Where I could be with friends and be happy or even make new friends that aren't horrible people like you. I would get to grow up semi-normal and meet many nice people. You always claim how "running away won't solve your problems" and that "there are problems everywhere you go". And you're right. Running away won't solve my problems, but running away gives me the space and place to think so I can think everything through about my options. And I know everywhere has problems, but in those places I can restart and be able to stay out of 99.9% of the problems because to all of them I would be new and there's nothing they can drag a new girl into. If I finally got away I would be able to try and achieve my dreams better and that's what you always talk about, right? Me achieving my dreams so I can go as far in life as I want to, right? But keeping me stuck here isn't going to get me there, is it. I don't think I have ever hated someone so much in my life to where I don't even talk about them to my friends or anyone I date. Everyone always jokes "Oh if you make it to third base with her it's bed" when in reality third base for me is even mentioning my dad in my life or even my childhood. I have never ever wanted someone so much to get out of my life as much as I wanted you to and still do. For all I care you could go leave and get milk and never come back and I would be happy. You always call me lazy and fat when in reality I do workout, just silently in my room and not boasting or running in the world like you would want me to. I stay in my bed and my room because it's where I feel safest and where I know I don't have to encounter you. Whenever you're not home and at work I'm downstairs a lot, but you would never get to see that. I don't think I've ever wanted something so mcuh to disappear in my life as much as I've wanted you, my own father, to disappear from mine. I wanted to do a studying abroad over the summer to try and learn more or even get ahead in classes but you said no because you "couldn't stand if your little girl was away across the pond for that long". I don't think I've ever heard anything more disgusting come out of your mouth than you calling me your "little girl". The minute I turn 18 I'm disowning you as my own father and moving out. I don't care what you've done for me throughout my life, I'll figure it out on my own. I've been trying for years to convince my grandparents to let me move in with them but they still won't budge only for my mother's sake. I really hope that one day I won't ever have to see your face or hear your voice ever again. Only because of how much you've ruined my life.