Dear My father,

Dear dad,

I hate you,

You hurt me, you did a lot of unforgettable and unforgivable things

You always chose your family over me, you never comprehended how much that hurt me

You always put academic pressure on me even when i was a star student

You put a lot of pressure on me just because i matured early, trying to survive a terrible fate as a girl in our town, in our family

You found it easy to relay on me , your middle child and only daughter, to help my older brothers financially as if they were kids, in a normal household, dad, older kids take care of their younger siblings not the opposite...

Until this day i know that you expect me to aid them financially in the future, but i would be happy to tell you that I won't!

If I'm expected to work through college and take care of myself financially while you pamper them, while they're in college, while they're refusing to work, while they are graduates even who still refuse to work because "he's an engineer, he wouldn't work any other job except engineering and he couldn't find an engineering job so he's refusing to work and earn money"

Dad if you think that in the future, while i'm working my ass off, paying taxes and having minimal sleep that i would send money to your adult sons who have families but refuse to work then you're mistaken
You're slowly turning them into your siblings and you think you'll turn me into you , dad
You aided your siblings all those years, they began getting comfortable not to go to work because at the end of the day you'll send money, they're acting like kids even though they have families that they should work hard for , you spend half your pay on them but you always refuse to get me stuff, you put your siblings first and your kids came second, you'd be foolish to think i would do the same in the future
Because to me? I come furst, then my family, and you and your kids? You come last, at the bottom

Your love for me was conditional, if i did well in school you'd love me and give me money, if i didn't do well in school you'd hate me and cut me off

You never called me , always told me the phone works both ways
Do you know how hard it was to listen to my classmates talk about their father's love? When i was seeing you once every 2 years and some how you always managed to turn it into a fight about my grades , i lost one point? I was stupid, lost 2 points? You were threatening me, a 3rd grader of marriage, i got a full mark but others also got a full mark? Then the exam was easy and I shouldn't be proud of it, how fucked up were you, dad??? How did you expect me to magically make the others lose their grades so i can be the only one with a full mark!? Why were you this stupid?? Why were you t so fucking hard to rub your toxicity on me??
You disgust me , i wish you never brought me to this world, i wish i was a child of a different family.

And now, you're acting like every terrible thing that you did had never happened, you're acting like a loving father, "missing me"
Do you know how fucking confused i was when you suddenly began acting nice? When you told me you were worried i was dead because i didn't talk to you in two weeks?
As if when i was younger you ever replied to the messages i used to send you
Now you try to call me often but sadly the time had run, i fucking hate your voice, my day gets 10 times worse when i see a message from you, even if it was a normal "hi" , you messed me up
And i can't forgive you for that

I was just a child!

I can't wait to see the look on your face in the future when i cut you all off the minute i graduate

I feel conflicted, a part of me really hates you, but another part wonders if she'll regret writing this in the future, i never told anyone the amount of hatred i have towards you, not mom, not my siblings not my friends, it was always bottled up inside..

I really fucking hate you...