Dear Lydia,

still don't know how someone can go from being my safest place to someone I have to miss in silence. You weren't just my best friend - you were woven into my everyday life, my memories, my sense of comfort. Losing you didn't happen all at once. It happened slowly, quietly, and somehow that made it hurt more.
I think about the way we used to laugh without trying, how being around you felt easy, how I could be fully myself and never feel judged. I think about the memories that still live in me - the classes, the trips, the late nights with music, the inside jokes that only made sense to us. Those moments mattered. You mattered. And no matter how things ended, that doesn't disappear.
What hurts the most is that I still want you in my life. I still catch myself wishing I could tell you things, send you something funny, sit next to you like nothing ever changed. I wonder if you ever miss me the way I miss you, or if I'm just a chapter you've already closed.
I don't know if we'll ever find our way back to each other. I don't know if we're meant to. But I do know that loving you as a friend was one of the most real things I've ever felt. And even now, with the distance and the silence, a part of me still hopes - not desperately, just quietly - that one day our paths might cross again in a softer way.
If that day never comes, I hope you know this: I loved you deeply, genuinely, and without conditions. And I'm learning how to let go without pretending it didn't hurt.
Goodbye, maybe.
Or maybe just... see you in another version of life.
- Parvati/Barbs/Dong🤍