Dear Daniel,

You're not going to see this ever, but happy birthday. The truth is that I would like for us to be on good terms, but I don't think that's going to happen, and maybe it's okay for things to stay like this. I don't love you, but I feel like there's something in my heart. I don't know if to call it resentment, because I'm not even sure that it is, but there's something there. We ended badly, I made mistakes, but you did too, and I recognize that. I have many questions that probably will never have answers and I'm sure you do too. I can't imagine how painful it must have been for you to see me with him; I lied to you, I kept you there in my life because of a wrong decision, I wanted to get over you quickly so I wouldn't feel pain and I got involved with someone else immediately, burying everything I felt until now. I kept you there because I didn't have the courage to cut contact, I still cared about you, I still loved you, I didn't want to let go of that part of my life. My actions were confusing, inconsistent and painful, and I'm truly sorry. I'm not asking for forgiveness nor do I expect you to give it to me, I'm not justifying anything either, there is nothing that justifies what I did, I fully take responsibility for the damage I caused and I know I can't change what happened. I was selfish, I only thought about myself, I failed you, and I also failed him. Even though you and I were no longer together, I kept you there and that is also a form of betrayal, and he ended up paying for a situation that didn't even belong to him because I also didn't have the courage to do things right with him. I could have acted differently and I truly wish it had been that way. I also need to be honest with myself because I needed to be alone, I wanted it, but I took the easy way out and now everything moved too fast. I don't regret what I have now, but I do regret how I got there. I couldn't continue with you, we both needed to grow, but I didn't give myself the time to do it right and in that process I hurt you, I'm still processing what we were. And now, without taking away weight from my responsibility in any way or victimizing myself, I also need to say my part. During the relationship I felt betrayed many times, it hurt me that you desired other people while you were with me, and even more when many of them were my friends, comments and things you told me made me feel insufficient and hurt. I know that many times you gave me physical compliments because I am very insecure about my body, I understand that you did it with the intention of making me feel better, but even so that ended up making me feel like that was the only thing you saw in me, and I needed to feel valued for other things that I also am, because I know who I am, I know I am intelligent, that I have a beautiful way of seeing the world, that I am interesting, and I would have liked you to see that too. Also, your way of being was many times very negative and strongly sarcastic and that ended up affecting me. Several people told you but not from attack but because they care about you, change takes time but it also requires recognizing what is wrong, and I felt that that only happened when you had already lost me, and it hurt me to think why you couldn't be that version with me. But I also recognize my part Dani and it is that I was not good at communicating what I needed, I didn't know how to express my boundaries or my feelings well, and that is also my responsibility. I'm truly sorry because I know that could have changed many things. I don't know who you are now, I stayed with the version of you that I met at that time, but I do believe that you can be better and I hope you are. I truly hope that you achieve everything you want in life, that you find happiness. I always admired your way of thinking, your passion when talking about what you like, your intelligence and your very natural humor. I don't hate you, and I don't think you should hate me either, hate leads nowhere. I accept that there was a moment when you were the most important thing in my life, and that stage is now ending. I keep the beautiful parts, what you made me feel and the memories that were real, I keep you like in a museum, like something that existed and was important but that is no longer part of my present, and yes, sometimes it hurts me to have thrown away many of the things you gave me, but well. And it is here when I finally close the door to all of this. This is my closure. I decide to leave you behind, not to forget you, but to let you go. Goodbye, Dani.