Dear Everyone,

"Why do you have trust issues?" That's honestly a quite common question and I can't help but wonder, why do people even need to ask that? I mean, of course People have their own reason why, otherwise we wouldn't have those issues.

So, what are my reasons?

I'll tell you all about them.

I've always been one of those people, who put themselves down. I've had low self esteem, but even after growing into a confident person, I never stopped doing it. I didn't because no one gave a reason to make me feel like I'm someone special or something. When I was younger, I've had a boyfriend, or at least I thought I had. Well, later I found out, that he used me to get his ex girlfriend back, safe to say, he got her back and I was left alone. After that, I didn't believe that anyone would ever truly like me. I brushed every single guy off, that gave me even an ounce of attention. I just believed they were joking.

A few years later I got to know someone. He was someone I knew through mutual friends. We got closer to each other, with the intention of a relationship. His words, not mine. He told our mutual friends, that he wants to date me, and that when I wasn't even around. So I gave him a chance. He was at my place every weekend, the whole weekend. He was in my arms, telling me how good he felt with me, we kissed, did adult things and so on. After all, he was the only one who made me feel liked after quite some time.

Until I guess he decided, someone else was better than me. He met with another girl simultaneously, who I didn't know about. Safe to say, he kissed me while being in a relationship with her and I didn't know a thing, because if I did, I would've never, ever let him touch me. The worst was, it was in my birthday week when I found out. He ghosted me completely after being there on my birthday, saying he wanted to meet my grandparents and such. It was also funny how he was with his girlfriend already, very fresh btw, when the weekend before he told me, he wanted me and my parents, to meet his parents. They knew about me already and were curious where he spent his weekends, his siblings knew about me too. I just wished, he would've told me, because I had no problem with backing off. But I guess, people just don't have the decency to tell the truth anymore. Afterwards, when his friends asked about the sudden switch of girls, he told them, he and I were just friends with benefits. Hm funny, at the start that sounded pretty different. How strange that I didn't know about our 'friends with benefits' relationship, right?

Still ask, why I have trust issues? How can one trust, when one got lied to? When one got played? Seems quite impossible to trust on a deeper level.

And those two stories are only the ones that happened to me with guys. Now imagine, that I have enough stories about the misuse of my trust by friends.

xoxo