Dear Nobody™,

Sometimes I think i am meant to be alone devoid of any human connection. I am tired but maybe it's just my hormones lol. But idk i feel this way frequently so maybe it's not just hormones, I often think about death in a non suicidal way but also not? Like i know i won't but man does it sound good to not think or feel or live. I don't have anybody to tell this too, i mean I have good friends, okayish parents and annoying siblings it doesn't make sense for me to feel this way but I just feel alone, like nobody is there for me like yk how people form connections? I just don't this it will ever happen to me and it sucks because everybody hates my race and i just feel that a lot of people just assume things and I do too and I can't stop and this is what is tiring yk. Like whats the point even?? Oh fuck man I am getting into the existential crises again, idk I'll probably wake up and think "damn i was being dramatic" but ik it will happen again, it always does, the impending feeling of knowing that I'll end up alone. Idk i don't even know what I want?? Like if somebody did try to get close I am the one who shuts them off it's like, I'm doing this to myself but I also don't think I could do it yk, make someone that close, it's uncomfortable and there are so many things that could go wrong. Nobody will read this but if you stayed till the end I guess you have a lot of free time lmao. What am I even doing.