Dear Nobody™,

lollll idk at this poiiint really hahaha
but uhmmm there was person B i really liked online and we began dating when i was 13, and that person was 14, we were both teens n stuff
we had really super similar interests and we liked beyblade
and it turns out, i was comfy with being polyam at the time. (i did not date anyone besides him, but didn't actually mind that he had another partner, who was white. which is really nice)

the thing is, we didnt talk too much, but i did confess that i had a crush on person B and both of us were! filo! cool. we liked silas from beyblade and there was another older person who liked beyblade so we were in a gc that i made. lol.

but both of us were in abusive households.

thing is, during the end of the year when i was about to be 14-15, my electronics literally got taken away. i couldnt communicate with my boyfriend. the last thing i saw of my messages with him was that he said sorry and that their father found out. their account was deactivated.

i do distinctly remember that while we both had our discord chats shared with each other, and i had one vc with my online bf, both of us were in abusive households and stuff happened.

i dont know where my online boyfriend is. i dont know if i identify as polyamorous anymore (likely ambiamorous!) but i would be completely fine with having a partner who liked to have other partners. but the thing is, i feel like i couldve spoken w my boyfriend way more. i dont know where person b is, or if their other boyfriend is ok. maybe they'd be mad at me for not talking to them way more

i feel like it's silly and my mind's going back n forth saying that i could've prevented this, that i could've done something about it. but i have literally no means of contacting either of them.

what if person b and his boyfriend were unsafe? what if they were trying to talk to me online and i just didn't care enough? i feel like if something really bad happened to my boyfriend -- if they're even alive or dead -- that it'd be my fault.

im not really good with my words frankly. this happened when i was like, 13-14 on a social media site. and i feel worried. really worried.

i just dont know if anyone would understand that kind of thing