Dear nicky,

why? why do you ignore me? avoid me? what did i ever do?

i miss the days we collected wild flowers and made pretty yellow and purple bouquets, tied with coloured string, that sat on my kitchen table in little glass jars. i miss our rain walks - the way you held the blue umbrella over our heads, even though we both knew i liked to feel the cold droplets on my skin. and my boots became water logged as we waded into the shallow river. i miss how we used to play chess, and we'd yell at each other for stealing each other's pieces. i miss how we could spend hours together doing nothing, yet everything at the same time. i miss holding your hand and resting my head on your shoulder when i was tired.

the memories feel endless, even though we only spent 1 year of our lives overlapped.
and i think i was in love but really i don't know.

and sometimes it feels silly and strange to look back on those memories and feel a strong sense of longing. because you could barely look at me last night. in my red dress and heels. and you - standing in your long pink dress that made you look so damn tall. and you know what i realised? it isn't even you i miss. it's the memories.

i'm sorry.