Dear Nobody™,

I have started watching porn at a young age after joining a new school and even made out with another boy without understanding what I was doing. This has led to a large series of bad decisions and being led down the wrong path for so long in my life that I have become a porn addict and although it started very innocent it has turned into a disease that destroyed my life and drove me to the edge of death even! Can you imagine? It has led me to become a lustful individual becoming a liar to myself and everyone around me and becoming a shell of a human being where the devil is controlling my every action based on my lust and guiding me in the wrong direction for every single thing I want to do and fail in every endeavor and become a weak human being. I have had sexual relations with many people, including married women, men, transgender and I have tried it all. I became into smoking weed and watching pornography and both together are so freaking distructive for the human being that I wasted my twenties and wasted my whole life on nothing and now I am writing this as I am so close to death now and I am now only around 30 years old. I have made a series of bad decisions that led to my own death because of the misguidance and attachment to the flesh and material things that came out from this disgusting habit and everything it changed about my heart. THis habit destroyed my life and heart and made my heart filled with disgusting things, this directly influences the heart to go in the wrong direction and ruins your god given innocence and natural gifts born with you and make you stray so far away from who you are that you don't even realize you are walking into the gates of hell by your own self and then start blaming the lord for your own actions like the devil did. My whole life was destroyed because of this and I lost everything, I lost my family and friends, and I realized no one can help me I am stuck and so freaking poor that I am now only working just to have a place to stay and some food I can barely buy anything for myself or any food to eat and about to go into a mass extinction event that i will perish away with it because of my lack of internal peace and internal guidance and the lack of a cleansed heart. Don't ever let this disgusting thing ruin your life. I don't even know what it means to have a normal life anymore because I lived this disgusting life for so long and spent time with the wrong people smoking weed and masturbating on my free time, and it led to an endless list of sins like taking so many loans and not being able to repay anything and not making any money. I am so done, I am saying goodbye now to myself and my family. I have thought about ending my life so many times and fortunately or unfortunately I don't have the strength to kill myself or hurting this beautiful soul I cannot take his life he is a beautiful person and the drugs that would actually kill me are usually paid or require prescription and I don't have money for any of that not that it would make any difference. It's funny that I know I will die and I am watching my life end in front of me that's like the worst death there is and I am trying everything in my power to survive but not sure what to do here it seems the doors have closed. I just needed to let this out