Dear Nobody™,

Nobody in my life will care about this. Thus, it is addressed to Nobody.
My older sister's ailments keep getting worse, both of my parents have told me I am expected to take care of her. It is what she expects as well, though she is kinder about it.
My parents are divorced, my dad likes his new family more and my mother does as well. She moved far from me, and despite my attempts to talk to her she hates me. She told me to my face before one of the greatest achievements of my life that I was her worst mistake. At times I am apathetic about her, but times like now, I just wished she at least pretended to listen to me. She still picks up my calls and answers my texts but she does it to look like a good mother. She cries about how she has to leave when she comes to visit for work, but those tears aren't for me. They never were. Her perfect eldest daughter who has been hurt and disabled by the devil is why she sheds her tears.
The same daughter she made me to be a replacement for. When my sister started to fail I was expected to be the one who succeeds.
Then I got into drugs.
She doesn't know that, though. I wonder if she ever thinks about the nights where I had to call her and beg her to come home from her affair. Or the nights where I waited quietly for my sister to sleep because she struggles with it. Or the times I stood in my father's way to help her and my sister.
I wonder why the last conversation I had with her, she asked if I ever thought about cutting her off. I know it's not self reflection. She has never apologized. She shallowly claims she was wrong in our childhood but cannot apologize for any of it, instead woe is her.
As her cruelty pulled on me, as she called me fat, ugly, slurs, rejected me, tried to shame me into church, tried to force me to be my own sister's understudy because my sister failed her expectations.
I still somehow pulled through to the other side.
It got so much worse before it got better. I lost so many people to drugs. Even now I am not strictly sober, but at least it's not painkillers. I push my friends forward, they credit me for their growth and they really shouldn't. My sister isolates me due to her ailments but still makes time for me. I was not kind for so long. I lost so many people for so long. Because I just wanted my mother to feel that same hatred she gave me back in equal force.
Nobody, she didn't care. Of course she didn't. I have ever been worth her thought or time.
Truthfully, I miss drugs. I miss the mindless bliss. But now, because of her failures and mine, my father who created our cruelty, the families that failed my friends, and the world that failed not only me but the person I held dearest. I can't have that anymore. It is so much harder to choose compassion and kindness, but I must. The people around me need me. I have to go and forge ahead for them. I am quite use to it, but this time there is a lot more on the line.
I continue forward because these people, despite not knowing the true extent of me, love, support, and trust me fully. I cannot ask for more than that. I just hope they still care for me if the truth ever slips from my lips of what happened to the man I loved the most.
I hope they can forgive me.
I cannot imagine a future where it is just me, because I need them. If I don't have anyone to continue forward for, what is stopping me? Morals, I suppose. But they will eventually want to live their own lives, less intertwined with mine, my sister will one day be able to fly on her own, and then what? What will I do then?
I hope whatever it is, they still call. They will, I know, but I hope the calls aren't like my mother's.
My mother and my father consider me a monster they made, one that does not deserve their attention in their new lives and families. Yet one day they will have to face their own Frankenstein. When he comes out of the dirt they buried him under hoping to send him to hell, when they realize that that monster no longer needs them- in fact they need it. The monster they made has to forge ahead, and take care of the people around him despite all of their betrayal and pain.
Yet I believe... their Frankenstein will still choose kindness for his creators.
I will still choose kindness for my parents.
Even though it will not be fair.