Dear RC,

I hate you.

It's absolutely true. At first, I was just bitter and angry, but I accepted that you weren't totally in the wrong during our relationship and that you're just a complicated person.

But seriously, thanks for reaching out one last time, because you really got to show me how much of a heartless human being you are.

"I was just confused and didn't want to hurt you, that's why I didn't tell you I was gay" so you hurt me over and over the entire relationship in other ways??? You keep saying you didn't know you were hurting me, but I made it pretty fucking clear everytime you were doing things to hurt me emotionally. And you literally admitted that you "loved me" first, I didn't even admit I loved you till after you did, there was no pressure on you to say yes AT ALL. Even if you thought you loved me in the beginning and that's why you said yes, you had plenty of chances to tell me you were confused, you KNOW I wouldn't have gotten mad. Would I have been hurt? Yes! Embarrassed? Yes! But I'd happy knowing you were being honest with me and weren't TRYING TO LEAD ME ON. Which you did by the way, lying to me that you were confident you liked girls the entire relationship is the definition of leading someone on.

And you lied to me about so much. Lied to me about things you didn't fucking need to lie about AT ALL. "You're the first person I've ever truly loved that I dated," "you're the first person I've ever found attractive," "you're the first person I've ever wanted to have sex with," "I'll never stop loving you," "I want to have a future with you and get married." You're literally a liar in every regard, I don't trust a single word that comes out of your mouth anymore. You didn't have to say these things, but you did, knowing none of it was true.

And you have no remorse. Sure, you said sorry, you said you felt bad. But everytime I went into detail on my feelings and the injustices you did unto me, you steered the conversation right back to you. "Well I felt xyz and I was just trying to xyz and you did xyz" shut. The. Fuck. Up. Yes, you can talk about yourself during the conversation, but I wanted MY suffering acknowledged more outside of "I'm sorry, didn't realize it was hurting you."

And even during your "apologies" you still framed yourself as a total victim. "Oh but everytime you broke up with me or ghosted me it felt like I was doing something wrong and I had to change myself for you 🥺" lol did you know that it's actually really normal to stop talking to someone who is actively just being completely toxic and rude??? Who would've thought. "I just felt like such an irredeemable monster 🥺" oh my god maybe redeem yourself by giving me decent respect and sympathy and communication???? Nooooo that's too hard for you, you only know how to communicate through avoidance or lashing out, right? I think I'm pretty spot on.

I tried so hard to look at you and our relationship through the lens of an unbiased, non-black-and-white POV and even then you still come off as a bad person. I don't think good people tell their girlfriend they're "ruining the mood" when she's genuinely upset about your toxic behavior, or when you deliberately like posts about breaking up and wanting her gone knowing she'd see them, or dismissing their fears and worries instead of working through them with me, or telling me I was making a big deal out of nothing when I brought up bad behavior you admitted yourself to having.

I'm going to assume my only reason for being in your life was to entertain you. I mean, your life is pretty uneventful. No school, no job until just recently, you barely go anywhere or do anything. You have no other friends, which is probably for pretty good fucking reason. So when I convinced you to break up with Gwen (who was emotionally toxic and horrible to you) you thought "y'know, I got nothing better to do, I'll just totally invest on LE to make my life less miserable and more interesting."

Genuinely I wish you had never contacted me at all, like AT. ALL. I wish you'd never reached out to me junior year of high school. Because none of this would've happened. You'd be stuck with Gwen to keep you busy, you two could tear each other apart forever until eventually she'd leave you and you'd be truly alone. I mean, you are now that I'm gone once more. I wonder how long you'll last being alone until you reach out to Gwen or whoever you used to know to fill that lonely void. It'll only end in you hurting them, you know that.

I pray you never find these letters tbh, but honestly who cares. Clearly not you, you don't seem to care about anything unless it benefits your wants and needs. I'm sure you're laughing in your room just imagining how hurt and broken I am. And I'm sure any new person you'll meet you'll tell them I was completely horrible and toxic and miserable to be with. You're not sorry. You're not guilty. You don't feel bad or want to be better. You're just happy I'm gone. It's time I feel the same.