Dear Anyone who will listen,

Yeah it's been hard to look myself in the mirror these days, but tonight... tonight was different. Never before have I been transformed to that night quite like this. Where one glimpse into my eyes was jolting enough to catapult my entire being back to that night. The night where I looked in the mirror and could only think "who the fuck are you?". The night that was a culmination of three straight years of trying to drink away the pain. The night where I finally looked at the whole me, and I was so engulfed in my pain that I couldn't even see through it to the person I knew I was - the person I was supposed to be. The night where I truly no longer recognized myself because all my eyes could see was the pain. And tonight, with one flip of the page, in the blink of an eye, my eyes are telling the same story. And reliving that story even for a moment feels like the relief of letting go of held breath and bitten tongues, because I know how this story ends. So despite the existential whiplash that ripped me through two of the lowest moments in my life, it was all comforting in a way. Because I made it through that night and every seemingly impossible night since then, so tonight should be no different, right? I don't know how I would survive today yet, but I didn't know how then either, and the weight of staring into those frigid blue eyes was proof enough that I could figure it out again.