Dear Nobody™,

I am absolutely exhausted by the world. I don't find that I fit in with most of it. I feel like the world is just a giant cesspool of dogshit people who are doing the most heinous shit on the planet. I don't understand the value in staying around. The only reason I haven't "left" yet is because I have other people who love me and rely on me and then even in those cases it simply feels like that's a trap or a burden that keeps holding me here.

I am a slave to my care for the people in my life. My love for the people that are in my circle is literally enslaving me to live in a world where child rapists are calling the shots. To be completely honest, I don't actually really care about how it happens. I enjoy sleep so the idea of going to sleep and just never waking up again sounds absolutely perfect. Because why? Why bother waking up to THIS shit again? I just don't get it. Everyone is like, "oh my god that idea is so selfish" and I am over here like, "yeah? So what? So what if it is? How can that matter? Child RAPISTS control the outcomes for other people. How can my selfishness even matter in light of that?"

It's not even that I don't take the time to try and make things better for other people. I do. The problem is that people are so goddamned caught up in this stupid ass idea of popularity that they don't value actual progress. I don't understand popularity. Why in the fuck would anyone give a single shit about someone who hasn't contributed anything to humanity? Because they saw them on a TV show or because they were in a MEME? Get the fuck out of here. That shit means absolutely nothing and the fact that so many people put so much stock into that absolute dogshit is just another confirmation to me that the world just isn't fit for people like me. I'm not idiotic enough to fit in with loving people just because they are present enough in society to have their face repeatedly stamped so much that people actually decide they like them.

The world is dogshit and I'm fucking trapped here because I am attached to other people. If I hadn't made the choice to engage with other people so much I could have just left a long time ago and nobody would have been affected or cared but now I'm a victim of my own goddamned optimism and that only makes me MORE angry at myself. I set a trap and then fucking sprung it on myself. None of this has ever been worth it.