Dear Miss SumosBreadAndMilk,

I really thought i moved on :)) I even had a talking stage, well almost. but then i realized, what i was doing was wrong-i kept making comparisons. right then and there, i realized that i was looking for the pieces of your love in other people, i was looking for a replacement, a perfect replica-now i know i haven't moved on, not a bit. But how can i? You were my almost, almost mine, almost something real, almost the love i thought would finally stay, almost my endgame. And to be honest? I never really believed in love at my age, i always thought that it was just something people do when they get to a certain age. And thats what makes it worse, because i know that we were never nothing, but we weren't everything we wanted either. There would be times where i would feel the utmost love and affection from you, the type of love that made me believe in us-that we might actually end up together, the love that made me feel safe, but somehow it would always end up different from what we had envisioned, and now im stuck here with all these feelings and unsaid thoughts. a slow realization that maybe i wad doing too much, as i always wanted to do more for you, love you in ways i never loved someone before, it had almost felt like i was choosing you more than you were choosing me-which always confused me, because you were once someone who i considered home, but it always felt like i wasn't ever meant to stay. But even after all of that, i still want you :((

I wanna go back to the time we were at our prime, during the times we would stay up late just talking to each other for hours, the times where i would get scolded at for playing games with you until four in the morning :)) I want to feel the way you made me feel before, the feeling of the weight i carried would magically go away when i started talking to you, what more during the times we talked in person, no timidness. One of the memories that always stuck with me was the day Zairome broke his arm, because before all that chaos-we were there laying down at the park, looking at the clouds, just talking. That memory always felt special to me, because i know that you always wanted to go cloud gazing with someone-never knew the day would come where it would be me :))

Looking back, though it feels somewhat warm to reminisce-it's also a realization of how weird love can be, one day you'll be loving someone and cherishing all the memories you guys made, and one day you'll be wishing for something like amnesia to forget all those memories you once cherished. Yes, i want to forget you, I want to forget the girl who became my home, the girl who made me believe in love. I feel this way because i have come to a point where i feel thats the only way i'm able to move on. But just because i want something doesn't mean i can handle it :(( just you leaving all the group chat that still gave me a little bit of connection to you, got me writing all this. All things considered, i guess what im trying to say is I miss you, and I want you to come back; I dont miss you, and i dont want you to comeback

Like always when ending a letter for you, i would like to remind you: Its not your fault that i didn't believe in love, it's not your fault that i can't move on, and its not your fault that you felt the way you did.