Dear an old friend,

Today, I finally decided to stop. to stop trying for something that was once one of the most beautiful cycles of my life, but that has been dragging on for a long time now.
even though I miss you, and it's not a small thing
i miss your friendship. I miss your laugh, your room, even your family. i miss the random messages during the day, and especially the ones in the middle of the night. I miss the feeling of home, of knowing I had someone to share the silly and the sad things with, someone I could say anything to. I miss seeing you on weekends and after school, and specially being able to share life with you.
rafa... do you miss me too? even though we're in different phases now, do you ever miss what we had?
today I was reading our old conversations and found a video of you and your friends asking me to go to your school, something that would never happen nowadays. sometimes I feel like you lost your admiration for me. i know it sounds strange, but you've been wanting me so far away, as if... nowadays, you would never want me close to you. and between us, shouldn't best friends want to stay close? at least, that's how we used to be.
not that going to your school was something i wanted, but seeing you reject me... I don't know, something hurted on me.
the truth is, we haven't been best friends for a while now, and we both know it, we just don't have the courage to say it to each other. and that has only been hurting us more and more.
last year, I went through the worst period of my life, and I couldn't count on you for even a second. I can't even put into words how I felt back then, how lost, how alone.
but today, I finally understand that it's okay. sometimes cycles need to end, and it's better this way, better than us building resentment toward each other,
better than you feeling obligated to deal with me.
and whether it's a coincidence or not, I feel like you've blossomed more without me. and honestly, I'm the first person to root for that. even though your relationship may have contributed to us drifting apart, I truly hope it works out, because I can see how much good it does for you.
I don't know if my depression affected you back then, or my more melancholic conversations about 2023, but I want you to know that I'm really happy to see the person you've become, even if it's far from me.
and even if we're not compatible anymore, I will always root for you and care about you from afar. please know that my intentions will always be pure. And instead of insisting on something that no longer works, I think it's better to keep all our memories (because there are so many) and they were so happy, saved in a beautiful book of stories. even though it hurts a lot to think about them now and see how much has changed, I know it will pass. and like we always say,
if we survived 2023, what is the rest now, right?
I hope my friendship was as good to you as yours was to me
and I hope you never forget what we lived together.
I'll keep you in my heart forever.

I love you, always.
I miss your laugh.
who knows, maybe life will bring us back together someday

always,
your alicinha