Dear Nobody™,

I moved out of my house to try and get a job I'm the eldest daughter of 10 siblings I dropped out of high school to take care of my siblings full time while also cleaning cooking and doing everyone's laundry id do this for not only my siblings but for my parents as well I moved out so I could get a fresh start so I moved in with my uncle he's an active duty service member so he's strict but I don't mind that I've been pushing through cleaning and cooking for him and my cousin who I'm also taking care of I've been doing volunteer work to keep myself busy while I look for a job but it seems that despite that being what we agreed on he's very unhappy that I still don't have a job yet I look every day and I'm making connections through my volunteer work but recently a woman has been coming over more often she likes him a lot and I thought it was super sweet at first but she undermines my efforts any chance she gets she takes my cousin and uncle out but leaves me at home shell text me and ask me about my schedule and then the moment I leave to do volunteer work whether its morning afternoon or night she takes them out to do fun things and I'm left home alone the first couple of times i calmed myself and said it was good for them to get out of the house but now it just feels like I'm deliberately being excluded they invited me to hike after I came home from a volunteer shift and I was ecstatic I set all my alarms but for some reason they never went off and i woke up at 8 am when we were supposed to leave at 5am no one tried to wake me up or even give me a chance to get ready so they left without me and I genuinely feel like this is my final straw I don't want to move back and start all over again but I genuinely can't stay here for much longer I've stopped eating and bathing as disgusting as that sounds but I still clean the house every day and cook breakfast lunch and dinner without fail my uncle says this is the real world and that I need to get used to it but after months of being clean I tried to self-harm yesterday and I keep thinking of ways to end my life I thought I was getting better but I feel like I've hit rock bottom all over again I don't know how much longer I can take this my mom's been begging me to come home since I first moved I want to prove I can do this, but at this point I'm more prepared to end my life than go home I don't have the money to buy a ticket no one's hired me despite my efforts and volunteer work doesn't pay I don't want to give up but I feel like I already have I just want to be able to smile and laugh again I'm hungry but I don't want to eat I can't remember the last time I didn't throw up a meal and yet I still look like a grotesque blob of fat