Dear milo,

The reason I stayed such an ungodly long time with you is because the abuse felt familiar, and every time I tried to hype myself up to leave you I changed my mind out of the fear you'd kill yourself but also the fear that I would feel too out of place if the cycle were broken.

Don't ever tell me that you loved me, because you didn't.

I have crippling anxiety and fear revolving around men or physical intimacy because of you. I cannot look at my body in the mirror without feeling disgusting because of you. You made me feel gross in my own body and I will never forgive you for the poison you brought to my self-image.

I want to hate you; I want to hate you with every ounce of my being.

But I feel like I've only grown to end up hating myself instead.