Dear jakob,

I think the worst part is that I don't know if you ever realized what you were holding.
You didn't promise me anything. You didn't label anything. But you gave me just enough - just enough attention, just enough softness, just enough almost - to make me believe I wasn't imagining it.
And maybe that's on me. Maybe I should've known better than to build hope out of "almost."
But you looked at me like I mattered. You talked to me like I was different. And I let myself believe that meant something.
Now I have to stand there and act like it didn't.
Do you know what that feels like? To watch you choose someone else and have to swallow every reaction so I don't look pathetic? To feel like I made up an entire connection that you walked away from without even noticing?
I keep asking myself if I was just a placeholder. Something temporary. Someone who was good enough until someone else wasn't.
You moved on so easily that it makes me question if I ever existed in your heart the way you existed in mine.
And that's what hurts. Not that you chose her. But that you chose her without hesitation. Without looking back. Like there was nothing here worth second-guessing.
I don't hate you. I just wish I understood how something that felt this real to me could feel so light to you.
I wish I knew if you ever think about what we could've been. Or if I was just a moment you outgrew.
Because I'm still trying to outgrow you.
And I hate that I have to.