Dear little me,

Dear little me, i'm really sorry for everything i've done...
Ngl, I regret most of them but after years the thoughts of ending my life are coming back, unfortunately. I don't know what to do anymore even if i have someone who i can talk about it. Yeah, now i have a bf, a dark skin bf that our dad does not allow us to date but i'm doing it secretly, idgaf about it. We kissed, we had sex and i love him, and when the suicidal thoughts come, i only think about him, he is my first bf and i'm his first gf. Mom would allow if it only depends to her but the fucking final word is his. I'm at a point that idk what to do, school is killing me, and with all that on my back,so much pressure on me, i just want to end all this...