Dear Dear nobody,,

My family is the only thing on this earth that's keeping me from going away. Whenever the topic of death comes up my mom immediately says that any of her children dies she'll die with them and i can't deal with that i cannot die with the guilt stabbing into me that my mom might die because of me. That's something i can't live with. Something that will break me. I know the saddest thing for a parent to experience is their child's death and i don't want them to go through that. My dad had a childhood of being the second to everything and he's trying so hard to give the childhood that he didn't have. How would he feel when he realizes that i'm not coming back that he didn't give me that childhood because that's wrong he did and he tried his very best. My mom suffered from depression and i know that never leaves you and i don't want it to become worse because of me. I love them so much with all my heart as well as my brother and sister. They would be too young to know what's going on but once they realize that i'm not going home to kiss them good night that will eat me inside. My family is the only thing that's keeping me on this earth and i don't know if that's good or bad. Either way as much as I suffer i live not for myself but for me.