Dear Somebody,

If I'm being truly honest with myself, I am stuck in an in between life. I used to live in a homosexual lifestyle and then I got saved by Jesus and reading The Word I realized that my lifestyle and who I became before meeting Christ was not who He wanted and still wants me to be. I realize that His word says it's an abomination, but I still struggle with it. I try to resist every day, but I always end up watching some type of gay porn whether it's after a year or a month or whenever. I'm stuck in a cycle. I've tried groups, accountability partners, inner healing, deliverance. I want to live a sinless Christian life and honor God with obedience and to be holy as He is holy, but I fall short all the time. I know some people preach grace and mercy and all that and that Jesus died for all sins including future ones, but I don't want to live like this. I'm married to a woman, and we even have a child together. I love her and find her attractive, the intercourse is great when we have it. But I always go back to this gay porn. I've told her about my struggles in the past and she even used to be in a homosexual lifestyle herself; she's told me numerous times that no matter what she is going to stand by me as long as I never physically cheat on her. But I feel terrible every time I fall and feel like I'm not only letting her down but my son down. I just want out of this cycle of sin. I'm scared that I'm going to just give up like so many other men that used to live in a homosexual lifestyle and then after a while they go back to it. I don't want to go back to it; I know what life was like before Jesus and how it is after. I keep saying that I trust God and quote the scripture that He is faithful to complete the work that He has started within me, but I can't help but doubt and then I quote the scripture Lord I believe, help my unbelief. I think I'm going to try and go on a long fast even though I've done it many times before. I don't want to give up. If you've made it this far, I pray God helps you with whatever it is you're struggling with and if you're a brother or sister in Christ, please pray for me to. God Bless you, Jesus loves you and He died for you.