Dear Nobody™,

Dear Estranged Son of a Catholic Family,
This is the first time I have happened upon this website, and your letter is the first one I read. I am a senior citizen - married coming up on 50 years, no children. I believe you would be surprised at how many people do indeed love you and care about your situation, whether or not they are directly involved in your life... like me for example.
I will tell you in advance that I am a non-denominational Christian and that aside from studying the Bible, I have read and listened to numerous pastors, priests, reverends, clergymen and family mentors who have helped me seek God's ways and better understand my relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
We have all heard the old, yet true, verse, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). So, if I may, let's analyze this. Your statement, "My older sister's ailments keep getting worse, both of my parents have told me I am expected to take care of her. It is what she expects as well, though she is kinder about it."
Our lives are purposeful to God. We don't always recognize what his purpose may be, and often we try to do things on our own - which can cause us to drift further away from His desires. This is where prayer comes into play. If we can pray through Jesus, our intermediary, "Lord, reveal your plan to me and lead me on the right path", He will do so.
My opinion is that both your parents have (or had) a love for you as their son; it's just that they didn't know how to express it. Forgiveness is the key to relieving your anxiety. Your statement, "It is so much harder to choose compassion and kindness, but I must. The people around me need me." Start by forgiving yourself, because God forgives us when we confess our sins - even the worst of them - all of them, because our Savior Jesus died for the whole world's sins so that we may meet our Lord with a clean slate. Tell God you forgive your parents, your sister, your family and friends for any 'wrong-doings' they have done to you.
If you're up to it - or better yet, if after prayers God leads you this way - meet with them or write a letter to apologize for anything you may have done to create friction or harm them in any way and ask for their forgiveness. You may not get the response you'd like to hear, yet you've done your part to lift the guilt off of you. Bless them, pray for them and let Jesus do the rest.
Your statement, "Truthfully, I miss drugs. I miss the mindless bliss." This is Satan at work. He is always tempting us with 'pleasurable' things with the intent to lead us away from God. The more steadfast in your prayers, the less affect the devil has on you.
Your statements, "I just hope they still care for me if the truth ever slips from my lips of what happened to the man I loved the most.
I hope they can forgive me. I cannot imagine a future where it is just me, because I need them. If I don't have anyone to continue forward for, what is stopping me? Morals, I suppose.
But they will eventually want to live their own lives, less intertwined with mine, my sister will one day be able to fly on her own, and then what? What will I do then? I hope whatever it is, they still call. They will, I know..."
Having done (and continuing to do) consistent, earnest prayer asking for God's guidance, what you do is go on living your life without the huge burdens you've been carrying. Remember when Jesus called his first apostles? He said to Simon (Peter) and Andrew, "Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him. Then He called James and John, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed Him. Also, Jesus' statement, "My yoke is easy and my burden is light" promises rest and relief from spiritual and moral burdens for those who follow Him (Matthew 11:30). God has His own unique plan for your life. Any bumps in the road ahead is a teaching experience from Him and a learning experience for us.
From what little I know of you, I am certainly not telling you to abandon your friends and family. God will give you the answers and the words you will need to say. I would encourage you to read and study your Bible with keywords forgiveness, apology, and whatever else applies to your feelings. Perhaps Google-search books by Ravi Zacharias, Alan Jackson, Philip Yancy, Joyce Meyer, David Jeremiah and others for additional help.
As all of us are created by our Lord to love one another as He loves us, I love you and care about you as a brother in Christ and pray for your spiritual adventure through the rest of your days on this earth. God bless you! Anonymous responder.