Dear Rion,

You probably wouldn't even recognize me anymore.

I remember 7th-8th grade. I had just met you and we were inseparable since that first day of history class. I actually loved being around you, you made me laugh until I felt like peeing, you partnered with me for every project we had, and I felt like I had someone in my life who would've cared if my mental health had plummeted again.

I've only seen you in person twice since I moved schools, both occasions accidental, but God you've changed... Well, for starters you're a LOT taller than how I remember you, your hair got really curly... but your round face looked the same, your downturned eyes and puffy cheeks still reminded me of the boy I remembered as my best friend. I'll never understand what happened to that boy. I'll never understand why you did what you did that night in your basement, I went home crying that night in case I never told you. If I'm being fucking honest, I've had a crippling distrust and fear of men ever since that night I told you no. But you still flipped those lights on. I was crying and you didn't seem sorry. I trusted you more than anyone else in the world, I even told you previously that I was scared of sex or showing my body. I've never been able to look in the mirror at my body since that night.

You treated me like I was invisible in school, you swatted my hand away, you didn't want to give me hugs, shit man even our mutual friends didn't even know we were dating until after you left me.... and for Regina? Did she ever give you a chance? What about Julia, huh?

At the end of the day, despite how unloved and neglected I felt, I just can't bring myself to hate you. I'm not going to assume you think of me the same way, or would even recognize me if I stumbled across you in the wild, but I still think about you. I think about my best friend, the boy with the green backpack and refused to take his sweater off even in 80 degree weather. I still think about your middle school boy high pitched laugh, that time you fell down the hill and I didn't help you (I'm still sorry btw), the time you drew a smiley face on my hand just days after we broke up because I couldn't keep my mood off of my face. I remember the cardboard WWI tank I built for our history project, the one you criticized.

I don't miss dating you, but I miss when you were a part of my life.

I miss you Rion.