Dear My first love,

Letter 2.

I saw Layla today. She was with the other girls, and it was just weird. It was so lovely chatting to her, but it just made me miss you all the more.

I feel genuine, true heartbreak.

It has taken me way too long, and way too many shitty desicions to realise this, and for that I am sorry - not only to you but to myself.

I have so much respect for you and you deserve better than a lot of the shit I put you through. I think we both thought that we were a lot more mature than we are, with the adult conversations and lack of resolutions. We had the right idea but such a lack of tools for follow through.

Is it wrong for me to blame our parents? Yours were emotionally unavailable. Mine? Just abusive. I want to tell you me and my mum actually get on now, we're even going to a spa thing in a few weeks (wish me luck). She was the first person I invited to my uni showcase, the first person I thought of. There was a time you would've been that person.

We were so young, we tried and we fucked up, and isn't that what it means to be young? We both fucked up, but we fucked up together, and there's no-one I would've rather done that with.

I thanked you for our time together but I don't think you realised how much I meant that. I hope you're doing well and you're enjoying your new flat and flatmates. I hope works still going well for you, and I truly hope that you are thriving.