Dear Cooper.,

Hi. For a year, you were one of my favorite people in the world, and somehow you managed to ruin that. It hurts to realize how little my friendship ended up meaning to you, as if I were nothing, as if we hadn't shared so many moments, jokes, interests, gossip, and late-night talks. As if you never truly saw me as a real friend.

You chose to hurt me at the worst possible moment - and you knew exactly what you were doing. Calling yourself a "coward" for not talking to me didn't make it hurt any less. In the end, you chose to cut me out of your life, and that was your decision.

What hurts the most isn't the reason behind it, but the fact that you never even considered talking to me. You used to call me your "best friend," yet you didn't even tell me about the girl you were getting to know. You could have taken space and talked to me, the way I did when I needed to be alone, but instead you chose to act as if I didn't exist.

It doesn't bother me that you prioritized a potential romantic relationship - even though I liked you as more than a friend. What hurts is the way you handled it. Honestly, I wish you had never wished me a happy birthday. You didn't stop to think about how that might affect me, and that was selfish - again.

It's painful to realize how important you were to me, to the point that I'm writing this even after almost a year without contact, while I clearly meant nothing to you. It also hurts to remember that even when I was struggling, I still planned your birthday gift and bought the shirt you asked for, because I wanted it to be special.

Today I know it wasn't my fault, but for a long time I blamed myself. I thought I was too annoying, that my messy life bothered you, that I was too sad, too much. I don't know. It just wasn't meant to be, and that's okay.

Despite everything, I don't hold any anger toward you. I like who you are as a person - I just haven't forgiven you. Still, I miss my best friend. I miss you every day.